Catching up #1

Note: I am trying to learn how to post satifactory images. At first they were too small and when I fixed the size problem, as in this photo, the quality suffers. If you click on the photo the quality image is visible. I am annoyed that I can't get a decent, decent sized image posted on this page.

The problem for me starting this blog in 2008 is that I have a lot of things I wish to post from the past. This goes against all blogging protocols but I can't help it, I still want some things posted publicly. At least twice I have photographed a Dream Theater concert. The first time I used film and those photos sit in a box. The last time I was digital which is why this image is available anywhere at all. This is Mike Portnoy, the excellent drummer of Dream Theater. I have Brad Webb to thank for introducing me to this band and Rick Miller's former girlfriend to thank for introducing Brad to the Band. Her name was Tiffany but I called her "T2".

Christmas Eve

On Christmas Eve there was a blizzard; a powerful, windy storm, the kind that puts people in fear of nature. It didn't seem especially dark outside, not even as dark as it should be near midnight but I couldn't see far, not even to the fence of my backyard from my upstairs bedroom window.

I can't put a finger on why exactly, but I become very quiet and thoughtful on Christmas Eve. The evening is always spent with family and is often loud and social. When finally getting home, it is quiet and the world is more quiet than usual.

So, this Christmas Eve, my thoughts were of spiritual matters, as seems appropriate - and soon after, friends. Thoughts of God and thoughts of friends really aren't disconnected at all but I do have friends, plenty I think, who have completely different views about God than I do. I make every effort to not emphasize these differences but to demonstrate genuine feelings of care I have for friends.

I am fond of people perhaps more than it is prudent to be. I expect very little from them but I sometimes feel for people and I do wonder if I draw conclusions about them that are false or imagined and love them from what I think I see about them.

Anyway, the world is a busy place but on Christmas Eve most people are home and most people are preparing for Christmas. I thought, on this night, of the many people I know around the U.S. and around the world that were doing about the same things I had done on the same night. Some had done them before me or after me but Christmas is still a universal experience and it was a comforting, touching thought.

I thought of my friends who live across the Salt Lake Valley, on the mountains opposite me. We should have a zipline between our homes so that neither party needs to decend into the valley and then climb the foothills again to visit. It looks like I can visit John's house on New Years Eve though. I thought of Steve and Deidra who live easy jogging distance away. I thought of Rick in his domed house. I thought of friends who have much less family. I considered friends from work and how much more time I actually spend with them than just about anybody including Shannon, Dresden or Logan. There is no comparison in terms of closeness but time is time.

I thought of friends in California, some who exchange messages or e-mail. I know a lot of West Coast people. Odd. Some of them because of culture and religion and societal pressures should be pitted against me but I certainly don't see enemies when I think of them and I do wonder if they do. I think of parents of a preemie baby and difficult daily challenge that is and a French woman who lives alone and allowed me to crash at her place for a couple of nights this summer. I wondered where her Christmas was. I considered a wealthy business owner I know and wondered what his intelligent mind was working over that night.

My mind turned to to sisters and their mother, split for now. I thought of Kenosha Wisconsin and Allentown Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Atlanta Georgia and its surrounding area, Long Island, Boston and then I traversed the ocean in moments and hopped a bit around Europe. My friend in the U.K. considers herself a Pagan-Christian or a Christian-Pagan so she was aware of the shortest night of the year and the birth of Jesus Christ both. Even two friends in Greece who probably don't remember me at all came to my mind.

To my regret I have not kept active friendships with the many people in New York City that I love so dearly. I think of them often and wonder in what ways I might have made different decisions and stayed in their lives and perhaps improved their lives or changed mine. I remember the noble but ugly struggles of Elsa and her crack addiction and her children but particularly her daughter Jessica. I saw such potential in her but the obstacles before her were immense, not the least of which was her self-esteem coming from as dysfunctional a childhood as one can imagine. Even her own children must be older than my own.

I thought of Jurrice Ballard. Can a single 21-year-old adopt a pre-teen girl who has managed to survive a hellacious childhood? No, but should I have tried? We last met on a porch with a tight bear-hug and tears in about 1995. She is grown and I hope somewhere her Christmas Eve was peaceful and so much better than my worst fears. Dominick, Pavola, Prudence, Ted, Karen, Shorty, Destiny, Frank, Peter, Purunday, Shakira, Joan and others were all somewhere having Christmas Eve. And former New York resident Murial who is dead but I have absolute belief that she lives on.

My new-Mommy friend in New Zealand - also with a preemie - may not even be Christian and I thought of her as well, even if she isn't celebrating Christmas Eve because it was yesterday already. I thought of others there who were well into Christmas Day while I was looking forward to it. As I always do, I had some candles burning.

Nothing even slightly profound came from all of this but it just settled into my mind that many people were having a common experience. I felt rich to have people I care about and poor to have not maintained stronger bonds with these people and so, so many others. It would actually be impossible to keep in regular touch. Facebook certainly helps.

It snowed powerfully all night. It would blanket everything, leaving only lumpy impressions of the true landscape outside my window.

Ice grass alternatives

I am not a terrible photographer but I know a lot of very good photographers because of my professional life. These men and women take photos, edit photos, talk about photos, look at photos and think about photos a remarkable percentage of their lives. Most editors don't go home and edit their family but paid photographers go home and photograph their family and if they are unlucky or nice, they photograph neighbors and friends and wannabe-friends and everybody else.

Again, I am not a terrible photographer but I know enough to know how far from greatness I am and that even "good" is at best a distant speck on the horizon that may be more my imagination than something I actually see. Photos I post here shouldn't be taken as anything more than a creative exercise on my part. I have no illusions.

Still, I want to be "see" better, understand and use light better and present the best pictures I can. Looking at my "Ice Grass" post I decided there were a lot of ways to look at that picture. Here are two alternatives. I supose "better" is a noble pursuit.

Ice Grass

While driving one early morning this fall I saw some sprinklers that an irresponsible business still had running despite the summer and need for water having passed. The photos, particularly the grass shot, get better when you click on them and view them large. Perhaps that means I must crop and make the right picture.

The shower

I communicate with others nearly all of my waking hours. I over-instruct my children, hash out the details of daily life with my wife, communicate in several mediums at work (phone, computer, meetings, social chat, work related conversation) and when I travel (train, car) I have music or radio talk in my ears nearly all the time. Information is coming to me or being sent out by me nearly all the time. I am probably an information junkie.

In the shower however, and on the rare occasions when I mow the lawn, I am alone with my thoughts. I had a couple of good ideas in the comforting spray of almost-scalding water today. One of them was this blog. I wanted to record more words and images and make them available for friends and strangers alike. I realize few will care but I do and in this case, mine is the only opinion that matters. Welcome to my blog.